There is a website called OnHDTV.tv that claims it “provides show reviews and previews, HDTV-specific viewing recommendations, HDTV news and HDTV shopping tips, among other consumer information.”

我想这是世界现在需要的。

One of the services OnHDTV offered this past month was, of course, a list - and where would the internet be without lists? - the “ top 10 celebrities who look even better in High-Definition TV,” accompanied by a list of those who look worse.

Topping the “best” list was tennis star Anna Kournikova: “Her skin is glistening and luscious. It's easy to see why her matches sell out despite her limited talents. It's not love-15; it's love Anna.”

(当我读到这样一个句子的时候，我总是试着想象作家在工作时的样子，它试图从它的主题的某个熟悉的方面强加一个玩笑式的比喻，这是很痛苦的。我想知道他或她拒绝了哪些句子?无论是在球场上，还是在高清电视上，安娜每次都能拿高分。”“优势,安娜!” “It’s a close-up grand slam for Anna.”)

Angelina Jolie is also on the list. After describing her as “breathtaking,” the writer then issues a caveat: “The only negative: The actress has a small mole on her forehead. In high-def, it looks like Mt. Everest.”

So one of HDTV's pleasures, apparently, is givng the viewer the ability to pore over the pores of the rich and famous. And if you’re a critic watching, you get to praise the beautiful and sneer at them simultaneously.

Then there’s the other list.

On HDTV, Carmen Diaz “looks more like a Charlie than an angel.” Britney Spears: “The pop tart is still in her early 20s, but she looks about 10 years older in high-def.” William Devane, “who once played John F.Kennedy in a docudrama about the Cuban Missile Crisis, should duck and cover the next time they ask him to star in a HDTV program.” Jamie Lee Curtis? “Christopher Guest, be my guest. Buy your wife some Botox! And, a wig!” And, of course, Joan Rivers. “Do you remember that song, ‘Old Man River?’ Well, how about, ‘Old Woman Rivers?’”

Clearly, the author’s inventiveness started to flag by the end. Rhyming “Guest” with “guest” is not worth the punch in the nose Mr. Guest may give the writer should the two ever meet. As for the “Old Woman Rivers” crack, well, it does reach new depths of witlessness, I suppose. But this achievement is cancelled out, in my opinion, by its tin-eared clunkiness.

我自己从来都不太明白这类榜单的吸引力，我当然也不相信一个名人的光彩照或不光彩照会成为你花1500到4000美元买一台高清电视的一个因素。

但还有一个更大的谜团:如果这只是一场推广高清电视的运动，它是否显得非常恶意?这就是我们过去常常在别人背后说的那种尖酸刻薄的话。现在我们对便宜的座位大肆谩骂。就好像我们的电影明星身体上的缺陷预示着某种道德上的失败。

也许多亏了互联网、宽带和HTDV，我们已经相信电影明星真的可以和我们进行身体上的互动，如果我们足够刻薄，他们就会听从我们的命令。刮掉你的痘痘疤痕，你个贱人!离我的电视远点，老家伙!

And someday, if we wish hard enough, and if our sarcasm is polished enough, we will be able to examine our stars subcutaneously, scrubbing and mocking until every last one of them is blemish-free, even on a subatomic level.

Then, finally our viewing pleasure will be as perfect as we are. We will all be locked together, gazers and gazed, in the darkened living room, forever.